Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
