i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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