so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
