My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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