Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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