i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
