i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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