I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize