I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
