Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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