9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
