how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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