If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
