I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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