there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
