let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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