Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
