a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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