You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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