Where is the hickey?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
