So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
