toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
