I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
