she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
