meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
