wake up i wanna do it froggy style
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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