The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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