I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
