i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
