I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
