i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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