Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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