just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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