She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
