So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
