I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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