Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
high people should be assigned attendants
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
