I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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