So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
