i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Please don't give away my fajitas
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
