maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
