Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
