I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
