are you still at the devil's house?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
