he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize