hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize