**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
