I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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