Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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