he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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