Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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