Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize