yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize