Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I know her cup size but not her name....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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