I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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