I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
