yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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