I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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