Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
