take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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