So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
