I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
