I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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