this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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