i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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