I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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